My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
