well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
