it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
