Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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