I'm jealous of your bromance
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
