I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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