If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drake has all the answers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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