Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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