he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
