idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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