i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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