I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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