Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
