Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
