I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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