At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
