I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
