I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
