I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You took a bar mat shot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
