remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
