Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
