Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
