I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
