he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
