I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
