you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
