Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
