I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
