nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
