Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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