he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
