Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
