I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
