could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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