If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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