This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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