U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was like eating out sand paper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize