Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize