You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
