i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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