I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
