I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
