Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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