it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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