Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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