Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
