If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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