see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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