I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
