dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
