Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
