I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
