Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
