My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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