i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
