..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
