Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
