oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
