The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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