If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
