So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
