no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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