Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize