took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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