Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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