I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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