Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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