You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
