You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
