That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she looked like the before picture.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
