New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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